the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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