Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
