There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
