I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
