what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
