I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
