grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
