I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
