I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
