Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
