I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
