When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
