Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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