under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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