then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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