and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
