Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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