does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
