the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My dick has a subreddit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
