dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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