Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
