What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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