I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dick very happy bro
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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