I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
