just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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