Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
