i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
