so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
