better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
