i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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