Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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