so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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