I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Randomize
