Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
