carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
