i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
