we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
