Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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