Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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