I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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