Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
