thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
