You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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