11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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