Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love having hate sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
