3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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