Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
