You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
