im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
