my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
