he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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